Once upon my life... Reminiscence

Well hello..hello..hello to all my followers and guests who read my blog

* background voices; duhh? do u even have 1? Loser!!! ...
Argkhh.. Shaddap!! I kill U ;p (sound of knife stab on and on again)

Well as i was saying,... hello to all, thank you for visiting my blogs although it was mostly about my boring life... =.="

There's so much things happening inside my life and to be honest, i think i need to re-learn Emotional Intelligence all over again...
Ignorance, Insensitivity are 2 things that WILL EVENTUALLY cause Conflict...

Don't believe it? It's true!! Both of it was a recipe to a total disaster... so here's my advice... for ya'll

1) BE ALERT you may think what you said as nothing but it's always something to anyone else. What make things worst is when you heard it from other people because different people interprets things differently.
2)If u want to be Ignorance, do it IF AND ONLY IF you don't want to create trouble (to maintain PEACE ) but remember! Each action comes with consequences... so be prepare..not everybody can accept it when u suddenly change from being the person who meddles with problems that's not theirs into someone who ignore things whether it's completely or just slightly...

All of these my dear readers, will surely leads to CONFLICT. So there it is, the recipe for disaster. Ignorance+Insensitivity=CONFLICT

Once upon my life... Dream

Since 2 weeks ago, my life was totally messed up. My diet plan didn’t go as planned and I barely maintained my weight within 82-85 kg. Maybe the stress has finally accumulated enough to become depression probably... :’( well I don’t think so... ha.ha.ha. at least I still dreamed everyday.. ;-)
Dreams.. Is it fiction... or reality?
Nobody knows but...who cares?
Last night I dreamed of someone whom I might or I might not know.... but it was a very pleasant one for sure... :)

I dreamed, the two of us were on a vacation someplace where the beach’s sands was as white as snow and the waves was gentle.. the red and gold rays of sun radiance as we walk along the beach.. holding hands.. her delicate hands felt cold at first but it gets warmer as we keep holding hand as we stroll along the beach... the warmth of her hand felt real...very real..
She was wearing a dark green dress with white dots ... along with her nice white summer hat.. we continued walking down the beach.. still holding hands and suddenly her hat's blown away by the gentle warm breeze and it reveals her dark brown curly hair which waves in slow motion... She looked extremely beautiful... her eyes radiance as it

stared at me...
After stunned for a second, i went to get her hat and when I come back, we sat down on the white sands, watching at the sunset... She was clinging to my arm and her head was on my shoulder and we just sits there, watching at the sun

Suddenly it rained...her face was extremely happy when it rains and she was smiling as the rain drops on her face. I stood there..watching at her with joy on her face.. After a minute or two. the rain gets heavier and she grab my hand and we heads toward a hut ...taking shelter from the downpour... we were drenched and wet and her curly hair was sticking to her face... I could not resist my feelings anymore.. i reached my hands toward her face and as i stroke her hair to the back, revealing her ear... i kissed her and she kissed me back..

Oh, how I wished the time would’ve stop forever.. leaving just the two of us inside this fantasy world of mine...

Waiting = patience = torment

I can wait forever but i may not have the patience and waiting is truly a torment...

Once upon my life...

Lot of things happened. This past month had been a very busy months... First is the language camp; again lots of thing happened.. we played games, visits school (first xp as teacher) and does lot of lame thing as well but the most interesting one was talent time where we acted out in front of everyone)
Next would be the Macbeth drama...we have start preparing for it and though it kills me, im glad that i am the scriptwriter ( Though my plan to modernize Macbeth had failed 4 times, it was rejected by the senior lecturers who don't want things to change...sigh*) but finally after giving up the idea and worked with their suggestion, i present to you MacDepp... adaptation of Macbeth...Sabahan version..wakakaa (totally worked out, i can feel my soul sapped out for the last 1 week...fuhh...) I realised with 12 brains in the team, i only need their feedback so i can edit the text cause when the 12 of us do things separately, the story will be like... chaos....wkakakak
So with the previous text that we've done, i decide to do the editing all by myself in order to prevent that...then after i finished doing the editing, i call out all the leaders and scriptwriters to discuss..finally my work is done..all that's left, helping out the other team...

One drop of tear....

One drop of tear holds a million meaning behind...it may convey love, hatred or jealousy...one thing that's clear, it will always means something
its a part of being human as its a reaction from our emotion...

whenever i looked at tears, i will definitely feel bad...really bad...

i hate tears especially one that i cannot do anything about it...

i simply do not like standing while looking at them..
maybe it's because of my sense of empathy... or is it my pride? well i don't know....

i hate being unable to do anything whenever tears starts dropping from one's eyes....i really do...sigh*

Sometimes i wish this feeling will just vanish...leaving me behind with nothing but pride yet i do not want to let go of it, for it makes me human...being prideful doesn't mean that one has become unhuman..

it's just that for me...this feeling is precious for it help me to get closer to everyone...

maybe i'm naive but i love making friends...i really do... and when i does, i don't simply consider them as friend but as brothers and sisters...

that's why i will do everything that i could to get in term with everyone..to help them and help myself...

and that's also why its hard for me...

Oh~ how i wish... i can be prideful and still keep my sense of empathy at the same time....

One's pride or One's principal in life?

Being naive or standing up for one's pride, which do you prefer?
Well if it's me i'll choose to be naive if i am too live up to my principal which is; satisfy other first before yourself. Well it's not that i don't have a pride at all but one's pride can be keep inside when one's mind tell oneself too be humble. And if you're wondering whether or not people will step on you, then the answer is....YES!

Of course its human nature to step over things when given an opportunity especially when the one who's being step on is being lenient...Too lenient...sigh*
People may call it stupid and continuously stress upon one's naivety but is it simply naivety and stupidity?

It is hard to be naive when you yourself know what will happen; how they'll treat you,what's the risk of being one and furthermore will you stand living up to your own principle? For instance, when you are being too kind to others, they might think that you are easy to be manipulated but what they don't know is ONE is being kind with conscience and willingness..

Yes..its true that its not easy to be such person as at times, one will face doubt whether to continue being kind; satisfying other need before oneself or to be prideful and simply ignores them...

this applies to all sort of relationship...as a leader; when you become a good leader, then of course people will start to take light of you...and its hard to command them but the relationship are great...though it might be a double-edge sword; when there's problem in the society..the leader with highly sense of empathy will be feeling responsible for everything...sigh* so which one will we choose? being naive or being prideful? hmmphh...it depends on oneself...

How's life define by me...

Hello everyone...it has been a long time since i've blogged and finally today i have the luxury to blog...and today is also bloggers day so HAPPY BLOGGER DAY i bid to all blogger regardless the active blogger nor the inactive one... ^^

Well today i would like to blog about life; how's life to me...In recent mock exam, while i was sitting for Language Development paper, i came across an interesting quotation by i forgot who...hahaha but she's an ordinary women who sells vegetables at market but able to donate hundred thousand dollars to those who were in need.... She said "My principle in life is simple.When i'm happy, i know that i have done something good and when i'm not happy, i've done something bad...

Well i agree with her dor when im happy i know that i have done good thing bit i disagree that when im not happy i have done something wrong..To me life is simple..my first principle in life is

"Never HURT woman."

Having said that, I am proud to say that up to this day, I have live up my first principle...I NEVER hurt woman in life physically....i dont know if i have hurt them in other ways and if i did i am truly sorry.... T-T

Why did i said never to hit women? Well in my opinion, women are fragile but not in the bad way. They represent all the softness,kindness and as a man,It's our job to protect them from being harmed in any way and not to harm them for they are sacred! Who delivers you into this world? YOUR MOTHER! Women are filled with kindness even if they didn't show it directly they possess all the thing that soothes a person... Since little i was exposed to story that shows me how men supposed to protect women ( knight and princess, prince and princess) and as i grew up... i have assimilate with these way of thinking...

Having high sense of empathy or empathetic as well as high sense of caring towards people...i have developed another principle which is let other be happy though you yourself suffer...i will do anything in my reach and power to help those(people i care for) who are in need...Often people judge me for being too kind...for those whom i care it doesn't matter whether they end up hurting me or betraying me or what...cause I forgive them cause I care...It's alright if i get hurt because of someone cause the experience will help me grow up and evolve to become much stronger as an individual and as a member of society...I will help them as hard as i could and if i need to put myself in danger, its worth it..for friends help each other without expecting payment or thanks...

This is also an effect of growing up while reading many books and watching many movies which highlights friendship and sacrificing without expecting anything..I found these action as noble deed and i myself dream of helping my friends like those Heroes who are merely a man..nothing special...and sometimes unappreciated by 99% people who read or watch it but let me be the 1% who does appreciate them and inspired by their action...No need for us to force other to open their eyes when they are blinded by the world...its enough for us to be there for them and continue helping them in any way we can...for life would be better when you help other...Well, at least that is what i feel when i do so..i feel content and better...for those who agree try it...and for those who disagree...it's alright...we the 1% people will always be there for you..

Hi I'm Dusun....

Today as i carried (actually forced to) the woods (my brother's woods) to the garage ( rain season mah...), i remembered a question my friend asked me once...

"I'm Dusun Lotud from Tuaran and you are??"

Hmm.. at that moment I simply answered "Dusun Bundu/Ranau" but then i asked my mom this morning to what ethnic of dusun do we belongs to, she answered Dusun Tindal....well all this question keeps bugging my mind so i decided to do some internet research and wow...i found that these 3 dusun was actually different from one another which adds more to my confusion....

As i keep reading each and every single word...i saw the word kadazan and i remembered that i was once accused of being racist over kadazan when i used the word to differentiate my friends dialect....well before this all i know was Kadazan is the term people use to differentiate the status from other dusun as kadazan comes from the word kadayan which means shop or something similar? I'm not really sure about it...all i know was the different accent present...wakkaka

Then from my finding, it was stated that there was no word such as kadazan before 1950's and 1960's...and it also stated that kadazan was originally dusun tanga..cause dusun ethnic was usually divided from the geographical factor...such as dusun tindal(the land people) and so on..

So if you are a dusun, if u say u are kadazan then it's still right as you are referring yourself as dusun kadazan..
if you are a dusun and asked to what race are u? then u supposed to answer by your ethnic e.g. tindal,lotud,bundu,kimaragang....and if u do not know what ethnic do u belong to...simply say dusun followed by your district...e.g.dusun papar,dusun ranau...

but if you were asked by someone who is not a dusun..then simply say u are kadazandusun as it is usually known by people who is not familiar with sabah..

so im proud to say that i am Dusun-Bundu/Dusun-Ranau/ Dusun-Tindal cause it doesn't matter to which ethnic do you belong to...as long as you are dusun then you are part of the family...and to those who are not dusun...do not worry for we applied these term to the sabahan ( as long as u are from sabah then u are a part of family) and even to malaysian ( as long as you're malaysian then you are a part of family)..i wish that everyone in the world would have this kind of mindset (as long as you are human then you are part of the family) but i guess the world still have long wasy to go....

these are the mindset of dusun people for they are known for their high-spirit when it comes to helping each other (dusun's unity)....for we doesn't walk forward alone..we walk together even though it means we will be left behind as well...

Once upon my life...

I remember when I was a kid...I used to love reading so much, i spent my time reading everyday.. I remember the first book i read was Enid Blyton's fable, "The Faraway Tree" ...The moment i read it...I was like.... 0_0 I was mesmerized by the way she deliver her stories...
But as i grew up...all the experiences and the knowledge i gained;the painful one,the great one change the way i think...

Today as i look upon the sky, I wondered... What is my identity when it comes to writing??
How am I suppose to write?...

For the time being, I realised that whenever i wrote, i tend to write in a emotionally way whether it is a dark and gloomy mood or a bright mood and full of hope...

I wonder which is my real identity? Am i a person who wrote in a dark mood; questioning everything in life...believed that there's no easy thing in life... doubting..
or am i still the person i used to be? believing in God...believing in magical creatures...believing in hope,trust and friendship...believing that every single thing in life would be perfect...

I wonder whether i am still searching for my identity...I wonder who am i? Are these two thing a part of me?

I can only assume that the bright mood was a piece of my personality in the past; before i saw a glimpse of reality...before i began to loose faith in hope...which led to the dark mood; my current perception towards life...

I wish..I wish..I really wish that I can turn back the pendulum of life...so i can continue to believe and to hope...for hope was the thing that pushes people to their best;to move forward in life... but that was all but once upon my life...

Today in IPG...One of the BAD day

Today in Ipg Gaya...i accidentally ran into my friend when we played handball...i feel so bad about it...sorry fan~ aku nda sengaja bah...then it's ES..
"OH No!!! I forgot..today Miss Eva want to watch us perform the readers theater...i am quite ashamed of myself for coming unprepared... pronunciation and volume that's the most important thing that i must improved..

What really pissed me off was the Treasure Hunt event...Before anything, i want to stress that i am not blaming anyone for the problem that occurs BUT....I do appreciate if they understood that there's no such thing as perfection in this world...human move forward cause they are imperfect;pursuing knowledge to become perfect....

Do not simply let your mouth slip and accuse us doing a last minute work. Try putting yourself into our position,try doing all these thing that seemed very easy but in truth, IT IS HARD...
If you manage to do thing more better than us and if you think you can do all these thing in ease, then you can say that.

Do you think that planning the event was easy? Do you know that you must consider many factors in order to plan this event? Okay...If you said you were exhausted and feel cheated then how do you think we feel? Do you think that planning and pulling out this event was not exhausting???!!
Do you think it's very easy for us to redo all the thing when the planned venue was occupied??? To figure out how to use each and every resource we have..the place given to us..and try to make sure the objective of our game can be delivered into the society??

Hardwork, Patience, Unity, Preserverance and simply enjoying the games...that is the main objective of our game...to make you feel that you are a part of something big and not a part of your sad and pathetic life....don't take me wrong...Im not insulting you but each and every one of us live a sad and pathetic life..Our life only become something when you become a part of something... this is the truth..so live with it..


If you blame us for the technical problem then you are just wasting your time because you should blame your own incompetency as well as stupidity....if you are clever then you would have long realised that it was not us to blame cause we are all nothing but simply human..

weekends

Friday...Saturday..Sunday..

OMG..totally boring...i would like to sleep but my eyes wont let me...maybe it's because i took a nap for 2hours in the evening...my roommate jeff went back every weekends which means im alone at the room...last two week, i have company from haizat and depp..tee~hee this week they are sleeping at their own room..oo im alone..wakkaka

because my eye dosent allow me to sleep yet,,,i will be having anime marathon till im sleepy..yeah....!!!!
hopefully tomorrow morning, i will wake up early...planning to watch movie....

Once upon my life...

Since i can remember, I have always been a person who like to question things. For me,it is unacceptable to accept things the way it is without any proof. What is life? Who created life? Why do i live? These are among the question that pops out of my head as i grew up. I have been thinking about it since then and until today i still do...
My family have always taught me to be grateful because God has given me a chance to live in better times and places unlike them and my grandfather who strives in order to live in their times. My grandparents were a typical Dusun people. They lived and experienced how life was during the Japanese reign over Borneo. To them, Japanese people are brutal and savages. I do not blame them for thinking like that since they have only seen the dark side of the army; torturing people(their friends and families) by forcing them to drink soapy water and the worst there was, slaughtering and slicing their meat off alive till they died. If you think that was awful, there is more to it. The army drops off the meat at the victims family house and since at that time meat was a luxury...well just imagine what happen next...If all of these inhuman things happens at you, won't you be hating them as well? Hmm..i suppose i will hate those who does it but i believe not all of the Japanese are that inhuman.
Well afterward, the effect of the war to our country...and since in my mother time it was hard to support a big family( they have 9 people in family) , she was never given a chance to attend school since she have to work in order to help support her family from the age of 10. Every time i skipped school, she would be furious of me and start talking about how she who yearn to go to school was never given a chance and i, who was able to go to school with ease ungratefully skipped it. When she starts talking about the past, i can see her eyes looking sad, almost burst into tears and i will be feeling bad about myself. My mother is an incredible women you see, she has been working real hard and does a very good job nurturing her children since most of them have manage to go out into the society and able to live their life quite well...
It is not that i am not grateful to have lived in this time that can be considered quite peaceful.. it is just that i questioned what is life? what is the purpose of life? is it me or does everyone feels the same with me? it felt weird to live life without knowing what the purpose is...i still remember when i was little, before i know how to read, i have faith in god for i believe that he is the one who created life but as i grew up i began to lose faith on him. I mean, i do believe in him but most of the time, i argues about the fact in the bible...i mean aren't we suppose to not worship any statue or anything similar to it? but why does people worship god statue? these are the thing that i thought when i was 8 years old..then i learnt that those statue was a symbol of him, the cross symbolize his sacrifice for the human race...the symbol of pain and sin...but
Sometimes i felt that my life was programed, as if what i have done till now was staged...fake..but that change as i grew up...i first felt the taste of life when i found my first love...well its stupid but to me it was one of the most happiest thing that i can felt in life though it's short...if i can describe my feeling in term of taste then it probably was sweet and end with a bitter taste. I remember how she smile and how it captivate my heart..the way she shines with a glowing radiance..i say to myself..."She's the one" but sadly things don't go well as i expected..although it's sweet but good things never last...when i thought that i've found what life is...everything was back to square 1...for years i rebel..i felt the sorrow and rage inside my heart yet at the same time, i cant seem to face her cause whenever i see her..i felt the shame..the sweet moment..and the regret since i am not able to be with her...i feel traumatized by the incident and i am not able to love...im afraid of being heart broken..hahha...how pathetic...then years passed and i began to be able to love once again but sadly..this time i was the one who broke it..seems like long distance relationship doesn't suit me at all..well life goes on...though i haven't figure what it meant yet...

one thing for sure..for now...life is about living in IPG... spending each and every moment of my life to the fullest with my young friends... laughing with them.. crying with them... I wonder whether it's a blessing for me to have high sense of empathy..and sympathy... i feel great when people are having great time and i feel bad when people are sad (to the point that i can't sleep at night)...although i haven't found the meaning to life, simply being together with my friend, building a stable career and contributing to my family in the future will be the meaning of life to me at the moment....